As I peruse through the timeline that is my life I realize the change, the evolution, the metamorphosis I have undergone. From the man I was with, to the boy who occupies my thoughts in this moment. From the life I thought I wanted to the life I am seeking now. I am not the same person I was. Of course, pieces of me still exist, but so much has changed. The girl I was is no longer. The girl I am today is a whole different story, and one that I can confidently say, is that person who has always lived deep within my soul. I have achieved much, yet somehow feel more childish than ever. I consider myself a woman, but with such youth, it’s almost childish.
Perhaps, I am evolved, and I aim to redefine what it is to be a woman of the modern ages. Unfortunately, it remains to be cute rather than sophisticated charm. I know the sophisticated charm lies in me because it comes out every now and again. However, the girl in me has been making an appearance more often than not, scaring the sophistication into total hibernation.
This charm, sophistication and refinement remains inside, but takes on a more juvenile persona. I kinda like it. Summer has passed, and winter is coming. I will not fully let go of the girl inside, for she inspires, excites, and electrifies me. Letting her go, would mean letting a large part of who I am drift away. I am just a little girl with big ambitions and the means to achieve. I love to play in the snow, drink too much, and frolic all day, but somehow these are deemed activities of the immature and childish. I disagree. I believe that both the child and lady in us all can coexist. Where is the expression “girls will be girls?”
Refined sophistication lies within the woman who not only speaks her mind, but makes the choice to live rather than exist within the confines of what she is expected to be. In fact, some find it daring and rather magnetic.
Although, it is time to put the summer sun behind, the little girl renegade in me is not. She remains. She always will.
As I sat with Woof, he told me that he loved the renegade in me. That we were both renegades, which was why we share what we do between us. It was in that moment that I smiled, and realized, quite right he was. I could be as successful and motivated as I wanted, but I was never going to give up my freedom, the will to explore, discover, live.
So many people lose who they were, and become so entranced in their daily lives. They can’t leave, they can’t stay, and they can’t stand it. They are too afraid to do something different for the sake of being insecure. I dare say that side of me has crept up on me more times than I would have liked, but you must harness it. The reason this fear exists is because society has blasted it upon us. For some it is enough, for others it isn’t, but the fear weighs heavily upon their shoulders. For a mere few, this confinement would be the death of them.
Naturally, I’m not saying you cannot be successful in your career, many are and many do. A successful career can play a big part in a successful life. Humans strive to achieve by nature. We are competitive. We like to be the best. Achievement stimulates fulfillment, but only if you view it so. By no means am I saying to live life off the grid, but if that would make you happy, then perhaps it’s time. Just because you choose to view the world and your life differently than others does not mean that you are a renegade of society in its true definition.
So, what then, you might ask, is my definition of a renegade? A renegade is someone who knows when to take control and when to let go. They know when to stand up and when to keep their mouth shut. They are successful, but in doing what they love most, not in what others want them to do. The choices made in life are choices that lead them to their eventual true self, someone who is free from the fear of change, of instability, or being alone. A renegade lives because they know it will be more fun than anyone could have ever imagined. This renegade does not want to become the lawyer that their parents expected and marry the person Grandmother wishes.
The freedom to drink a little too much, move to Costa Rica for a couple of months, play the part of a ski bunny for the winter is what being a renegade is all about. Just make it sustainable. In my eyes, not being able to experience the many tremendously wonderful facets of the current world that we live in is like depriving yourself of a life worth fighting for. Who wouldn’t want to travel the world? Sit atop a camel in Morocco? Ski the powder pillows in Whistler? Or Hike the Inca trail to Machu Pichu?
What works for one may not work for another, but never be too scared to take the risk to fight for the life you want. To be the renegade you want to be. If it’s in you, let it out.