The Modern Renegade

Confidence, Psychology, Relationships

As I lay in bed perusing the Facebook timeline of my days, I realize the change, the evolution, the metamorphosis I have undergone. From the man I was with, to the boy who occupies my thoughts in this moment. From the life I thought I wanted to the life I am seeking now. I am not the same person I was. Of course, pieces of me still exist, but so much has changed. The girl I was is no longer. The girl I am today is a whole different story, and one that I can confidently say, is that person who has always lived deep within my soul. I have achieved much, yet somehow feel more childish than ever. I consider myself a woman, but with such youth, it’s almost childish.

Perhaps, I am evolved, and I aim to redefine what it is to be a woman of the modern ages. Unfortunately, it remains to be cute rather than sophisticated charm. I know the sophisticated charm lies in me because it comes out every now and again. However, the girl in me has been making an appearance more often than not, scaring the sophistication into total hibernation.

This charm, sophistication and refinement remains inside, but takes on a more juvenile persona. I kind of like it. Summer has passed, and winter is coming. I will not fully let go of the girl inside, for she inspires, excites, and electrifies me. Letting her go, would mean letting a large part of who I am drift away. I am just a little girl with big ambitions and the means to achieve. I love to play in the snow, drink too much, and frolic all day, but somehow these are deemed activities of the immature and childish. I disagree. I believe that both the child and lady in us all can coexist. Where is the expression “girls will be girls?”

Refined sophistication lies within the woman that not only speaks her mind, but makes the choice to live rather than exist within the confines of what she is expected to be. In fact, some find it daring and rather magnetic.

Although, it is time to put the summer sun behind, the little girl renegade in me is not. She remains. She always will.

As I sat with my man, he told me that he loved the renegade in me. That we were both renegades, which was why we share what we do between us. It was in that moment that I smiled, and realized, quite right he was. I could be as successful and motivated as I wanted, but I was never going to give up my freedom, the will to explore, discover, live.

So many people lose who they are, and become so entranced in their daily lives. They can’t leave, they can’t stay, and they can’t stand it. They are too afraid to do something different for the sake of being insecure. I dare say that side of me has crept up on me more times than I would have liked, but you must harness it. The reason this fear exists is because society has blasted it upon us. For some it is enough, for others it isn’t, but the fear weighs heavily upon their shoulders. For a mere few, this confinement would be the death of them.

Naturally, I’m not saying you cannot be successful in your career, many are and many do. A successful career can play a big part in a successful life. Humans strive to achieve by nature. We are competitive. We like to be the best. Achievement stimulates fulfillment, but only if you view it so. By no means am I saying to live life off the grid, but if that would make you happy, then perhaps it’s time. Just because you choose to view the world and your life differently than others do, does not mean that you are a renegade of society in its true definition.

So, what then, you might ask, is my definition of a renegade? A renegade is someone that knows when to take control and when to let go. They know when to stand up and when to keep their mouth shut. They are successful, but in doing what they love most, not in what others want them to do. The choices made in life are choices that lead them to their eventual true self, someone who is free from the fear of change, of instability, or being alone. A renegade lives because they know it will be more fun than anyone could have ever imagined. This renegade does not want to become the lawyer that their parents expected and marry the person Grandmother wishes.

The freedom to drink a little too much, move to Costa Rica for a couple of months, play the part of a ski bunny for the winter is what being a renegade is all about. Just make it sustainable. In my eyes, not being able to experience the many tremendously wonderful facets of the current world that we live in is like depriving yourself of a life worth fighting for. Who wouldn’t want to travel the world? Sit atop a camel in Morocco? Ski the powder pillows in Whistler? Or Hike the Inca trail to Machu Pichu?

What works for one may not work for another, but never be too scared to take the risk to fight for the life you want. To be the renegade you want to be. If it’s in you, let it out.


Perspective vs. Outlook

Psychology, Uncategorized

There are four very important aspects of anyone’s life. You have your personal life, your professional life, your social life, and your physical life. In my experience, in order to reach what one would call ‘happiness’ is to have all four of those just where you want them. It’s a balancing act. If one is out-of-place, the others seem to follow suit. But why? Why must they all be so in sync? Is it your outlook? Or is it perspective?

In my opinion, it is a tad bit more complicated than, my career sucks, but my body is rocking, therefore I am unbalanced. No, it goes much deeper. Henry Murray, an old-time psychologist, once spoke about the Theory of Psychogenic Needs, and how each person has them, but that as an individual we posses different levels of each. He defines a long list of needs, but focuses on three main ones in which each of us can be categorized. These needs are as follows, the need for power, the need for affiliation, and the need for achievement. Simply put, these are quite self-explanatory and you can probably pick and choose who you think is what. But once you actually put some thought into what these “needs” are, and the behavior in which people act to meet these needs, you begin to notice the predominant need in not only yourself, but the people around us.

I have spent a lot of time thinking about what need dominates my inner most being. It was always a toss-up for me between the need for power and the need for achievement. I began to think I was some sort of hybrid that Murray had forgotten to mention. However, as I grow, as I recognize my everyday actions or lack their of, in some cases, I realize which need assumes control. This is the need for achievement. This achievement must be met in every aspect of my life if I want my life to be balanced. I must achieve physically, professionally, socially, and personally.

I don’t need to be recognized, praised or even rewarded. I need to know that I, and I alone, accomplished what I set out to do. It must be so that I overcame the challenge that myself, or perhaps another, set affront. Of course, lets not be silly, and say I don’t love a great compliment every now and then. Who doesn’t? But compliments are merely for the sake of your ego, and it complements your need accordingly. No pun intended.

If I am achieving in one aspect of my life, but not another, I can feel it. Something feels off. Life doesn’t quite feel perfect. That isn’t to say Im a raging hot mess and miserable. Because, that will never be the case. However, this void leaves hints all over the place, and hints that one must always keep their eyes open for. Sometimes subtle, sometimes in your face, once you figure it out, life all the sudden becomes much clearer. It is like the fog sort of disappears from the path, and you now know where you are going again.

Now, back to this perspective. Naturally, we are all going to have different perspectives of what makes each aspect of our lives perfect because of this need that governs our personality. An individual with a need for power is going to view their social situation much differently than a person with the need for affiliation or even the need for achievement. So what is it? Are we just pre-programmed to have the perspectives we already do? Or do they evolve with time? Outlooks change, but does perspective? I’d like to think that perspective can change, but as I look back, I begin to think it is merely outlook, and that our perspective remains constant.