I scrolled through my iPhone and purged the device of his number. I said to myself, “just read between the cracks.” There was no reason for me to posses his number. Also, I had acquired some very impressive screen cracks over the past couple of months. He wasn’t worthy. Quite frankly, I was over it. I was over revisiting his elusiveness in my mind time and time again. It felt pretty damn good to take what seemed to be rejection by the horns and send it flailing in the opposite direction.
Now, I’m not saying that the feeling will not try to creep back up, but I decided I was going to own it. I just thought about that day in Whistler. I remembered the Glacier clouds. That moment where it all clicked. You don’t let others talk shit to you, so why should you let yourself? If someone tells you “vaffanculo!” you don’t invite them for a cup of coffee, almond biscotti and some supercilious conversation.
Mornings are always more dramatic than the rest of the day. You have been alone with your mind for hours. Dangerous. A psychology teacher once told me that the feelings you experience while dreaming tend to stay with you for about 2 hours after you wake. That is a recipe for disaster if you have my mind.
In any case, the morning moved on smoothly. It felt good to be free of that pressure. It was like a car wash, you just have to go through the ringer a couple of times until you can shake the scrub.